Not so long ago, there was a land not so far away, lavishly covered in green gardens and blue skies, called Portlandia. Animals roamed free, the air was clean, and people walked everywhere they needed to go. But the people started to learn how to do more things faster than before and make their lives easier. Society grew more and more civilized each passing year. Rudimentary shelters became tall buildings and streets became lined with thousands of automobiles. What was once a beautiful, clean city became grayer and dirtier. The skies no longer appeared so blue as smog and exhaust from daily activities accumulated higher and higher. Beautiful green gardens were dug up to make room for more parking lots. Animals that used to roam free were now confined to small areas or forced to live in crowded pens and were only bred for food!
Most people went about their daily lives not giving much thought to what was happening around them. They focused on their jobs and how to make more money to make their lives better and didn’t feel much concern for what their car, or what they were eating, was doing to the earth. They were having an oblivious good time and didn’t even care about the environment. Little did they know … an evil was lurking.
There were a few people who saw things differently. Though small in number, they called themselves the VegaMights, and they decided it was better to not eat meat and to eat more vegetables. They had superpowers that enabled them to pass up hamburgers and chicken club sandwiches, and they had phenomenal strength to stand up to others who called them names or said they were silly for not eating meat.
Out of the fiery bowels of burning fossil fuels laden with rotted meat, in a chemical mix of toxic discharge, acid rain and over-tolerated pollution, rose EnviroMan. The reaction of poisonous pollution, combining with enthusiastic minority objection, somehow gave EnviroMan super-human powers and transformed him into a warrior against waste … a gladiator of green … a hero of the earth … a man on a mission for less emission. With his super-human strength, EnviroMan could effortlessly save the life of a cow, pig or chicken with nothing more than fruits and vegetables! He could influence thousands to be less wasteful, drive hybrids and become vegetarians with just one blast of his super-sonic-social-change fountain-pen ray-blaster! EnviroMan and the VegaMights would often write powerful blogs letting everyone know how much healthier they and their environment would be by giving up meat and driving hybrid cars.
One day, as the people of Portlandia were going about their normal, daily lives, a humungous, thick, dark cloud began to condense over the city. But it didn’t rain, and the cloud just got thicker and thicker until it made the sun go dim. People started coughing a lot and having trouble breathing, and plants even started dying, and nobody knew what to do. Back at Public-Safety Headquarters, the Mayor of Portlandia saw the cloud getting thicker and thicker from his office window, and he knew something had to be done. After all, it was an election year. Reaching into a compartment hidden under his desk, the Mayor found the key he was looking for. He walked across the oval room to a door labeled “Emergency Only,” unlocked it with the secret key, and opened the door. Inside the door was nothing more than a wall with a big, green button in the middle with the letters “EM” written on it. Looking once more out the window, and thinking how he could budget environmental improvement costs after the coming election, the Mayor took a deep breath, rolled his eyes, and pushed the button.
Out past the edge of town, in Beavertoniaville, Jack Johnsontonstone had just finished riding his bike home from work and was getting ready to stir-fry up some tofu for dinner when his beeper started vibrating. Peering out the window, Jack’s eyes opened wide with alarm to see the green-lighted letters “EM” shining brightly against a dark cloud hovering over the city in the distance – the Mayor had activated the EnviroAlert! Without a moment to spare, Jack Johnsontonstone quickly snatched a cucumber out of the fridge in one hand while holding his other hand to the output receptacle for the solar-panels on his roof, and with a green POOF of emission-free water vapor, he was instantly re-dressed in a hemp uniform embroidered with the letters “EM” known as no other than EnviroMan!
EnviroMan dashed into the garage, unplugged his trusty electro-veggie hybrid Enviromobile, and raced out the garage door with a high-pitched whine! Speeding along down the driveway, onto the street, around the corner, past the old oak tree and (wait! … EnviroMan stopped … got out of the car … and gave that tree a hug!) onto the freeway onramp, EnviroMan rushed toward Public-Safety Headquarters at speeds up to 55 miles per hour!
As EnviroMan sped down the highway, he noticed a strange signal of waves flying through the air with his super-human open-minded eyesight. As he reached the outskirts of the city, EnviroMan noticed these signals were going straight into peoples’ minds without them even knowing it. With his ultra-logic herculean telepathy, EnviroMan knew an evil power was creating these signals, causing all the people to act like blind sheep and be oblivious to the world around them and the consequences of their wasteful lifestyles! Low and behold, it was this evil mind-numbing signal that was causing the smog cloud to block out the sun over the city!
Quickly changing course, EnviroMan set out to find the source of that signal! But every time he’d follow a signal that was numbing someone’s mind, he’d find it was coming from another person! In fact, everyone receiving the mind-numbing waves that made them oblivious to the environment was sending out the same signal to someone else! EnviroMan’s super-sonic-social-change fountain-pen ray-blaster was a powerful weapon, but he couldn’t blast
everyone with it! Whatever would EnviroMan do?
Pondering the dilemma over some celery sticks and peanut butter, EnviroMan had an idea. Quickly crossing his super-sonic-social-change fountain-pen ray-blaster with his persuasion-replication phaser, EnviroMan got back in the Enviromobile and headed toward The Oregonian. When he got there, EnviroMan pointed his super-sonic-social-change persuasion-replication fountain-pen ray-blaster-phaser directly at their editorial page and fired! Then he fired again and again and again! When he was done there, he pointed his blaster at the Willamette Week, local newspapers, the internet, and even at his friends and family! EnviroMan just kept blasting and blasting and blasting until the mind-numbed people started receiving residual blasts from reading the articles and blogs and stories. Once the people had read and learned enough, the persuasion replication phaser residuals built up enough in their systems that the mind-numbing signals they had been sending out reversed, and they started sending out their own positive energy! Before long, the dark cloud dissipated, allowing the sun to shine though once again. Folks stopped coughing so much, the plants thrived, and the people rejoiced. Their city was saved.
Later that week, at the unveiling of a new solar-powered electric vehicle charging station, the Mayor presented EnviroMan with a medal for outstanding environmental service. As the VegeMights passed out delicious apples and carrots to all the boys and girls, EnviroMan stood tall and broad, with his hands on his hips, and in a deep, heroic voice, he said: “That’s not necessary Mr. Mayor. Technology owes ecology an apology, and this new charging station is thanks enough for me.” Looking out over the crowd, EnviroMan continued, “But if I am ever needed again, just look toward the forest, or the ocean, into the face of a child, or into yourselves … and I’ll be there.” Without another word, EnviroMan jumped back into the Enviromobile and whined off into the sunset.
As the people walked back to their homes, finished their vegetarian dinners, and climbed into bed, they all slept safe and sound knowing they’d be helping to sustain the environment for generations to come … thanks to the good work of EnviroMan and the VegeMights!
-- David Campbell, ecopol project
