Domestic violence is the primary cause of homelessness amongst women and children. According to the Family and Youth Services Bureau, 80% of homeless mothers with children previously experienced domestic violence, and around 57% of all homeless women report that domestic violence was the immediate cause of their homelessness. Whether women are fleeing abuse and end up homeless as a result of escape, or end up punished by landlords’ “zero tolerance for violence” policies, where the victim is punished for the crimes of an abuser, the outcome is the same. This position is so difficult and painful for most of us to even imagine, but allow me to explain just how easy it is to find yourself in this situation; from personal experience.
Working as a server, I began seeing a man who moved from his place into mine after several months of dating. Things were going fine and well, and I knew he was a recovered methamphetamine user who had been sober for years. I never imagined it to become an issue or to change who he was. Without my knowing, he was hiding his occasional drug use with one of our neighbors, and I noticed his personality begin to change. I couldn’t understand why, as I had never been around addicts of this kind before, and did not know what to look for.
He became violent, and turned into a different person, short tempered, jealous, picking fights with others over small things. I was stuck in my apartment with him, in my name and on my credit. I was never safe. Many nights I escaped and called the domestic violence crisis lines, which could only offer me a place to stay in a hotel for a few nights until things “calmed down”. But they never did. He blackened my eye once and when I made an excuse to stay home from work out of humiliation, I lost my job. He broke my spine a few weeks later, tossing me to the floor, and I was unable to work or care for myself. My family was in Georgia, and he had scared off all of my friends and left me completely isolated from my network.
I was working with the domestic violence shelters, which were all full with a three month wait for new women, and priority was naturally given to women with children. We have 5 domestic violence shelters in Portland, and all were full. This should say a lot.
Had I been approved for disability (which I was not, in spite of sustaining 4 serious spinal injuries and intense PTSD), I would have only received $750 a month total, not enough to cover my apartment, expenses, etc. My friends were too scared of him to allow me to stay with them because he would simply show up. And I believe it happens just this easily to other women. If had not had the financial support of my incredible family in Georgia, I would have been a homeless woman with PTSD and spinal injuries, just like that.
One of the most difficult parts of the entire ordeal was the victim blaming I received after the entire nightmare was “over” (I left my apartment on a rainy morning in pajamas to hide from him as he went into the restroom. He went on a hunt the next day to find me at a friend’s home, forced me into the car and ran over one of the three people who were trying to help pull me out of the car...and went to prison on a kidnapping charge). Even people who loved me would say I “got our friend ran over” or would find themselves quicker to ask why I would stay than they were to ask why my former partner would be violent towards me. The truth is that once you are in the situation, it’s scarier to leave and not know what the man may do than to stay and know what you’ll face. When I left was when I was nearly killed. 70% of intimate partner violence victims are killed within 72 hours of leaving their abuser. Shame, the drive to survive and lack of control of finances often lead a woman to stay.
Women and children deserve so much better than this. Better than to be blamed for being in terrifying, lose-lose situations, better than to have to choose homelessness and risk being harmed on the streets or by their partner at home, better than to suffer long term financial damage and be left to fend for themselves and their children, along with the physical and mental damage sustained by the abuse. I hope that reading this will make you think differently next time you see a homeless woman, and hope you check out some of the links below to better understand what we are dealing with, why, and what you can do to help!
This is an article on how to do better and end these cycles for women and children in this situation, and how to help: https://www.bustle.com/p/as-domestic-violence-awareness-month-comes-to-end-we-need-to-address-why-so-many-survivors-end-up-homeless-how-to-end-the-cycle-2923735
IF YOU, A LOVED ONE OR NEIGHBOR MAY BE IN DANGER: then PLEASE, this link can help identify signs of abuse and provides immediate assistance to get out, get safe and possibly save lives:
https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/
And to better understand homeless women and children, check out a few of these links below:
https://www.aclu.org/sites/default/files/pdfs/dvhomelessness032106.pdf
American Civil Liberties Union: Domestic violence and Homelessness
Family and Youth Services Bureau: Homelessness and Domestic Violence Statistics(2016)
Connection Between Domestic Violence and Homelessness
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