Bootstraps and Other Nonsense — Things Not to Say to the Houseless

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nding up on the streets is hard enough without getting bombarded with insulting comments that may be well-meaning but are actually hurtful and ignorant. Unfortunately, these are things the houseless hear too often. Here are six things not to say. 

1. “Just pull yourself up by your bootstraps!” 

Photo by Matt Collamer on Unsplash

The modern meaning of this phrase is to achieve something by yourself. It suggests that you should be able to accomplish whatever you want if you just put your mind to it. It may be intended as encouragement, but it fails to take a person’s circumstances into consideration. It also fails to acknowledge that the speaker’s own successes were not without assistance. You would be hard-pressed to find a “self-made” successful person who didn’t get help from many other sources on their way to the top, whether from education, family and friends, government breaks, or privileges of one kind or another. Everyone needs help, so even by the modern interpretation of this phrase, no one can really do it. 

The funny thing is, however, the original meaning from the 1800s was the complete opposite. It meant something that was impossible to do. Because you can’t actually pull yourself up by your bootstraps, unless you are somehow able to levitate. 

2. “Get a job!”

This is the ruder, less “encouraging” version of number 1. It assumes that getting a job is something easy to do for everyone, and like number 1, it fails to acknowledge all the assistance the speaker had in attaining their own employment. Not everyone has all the connections you do. Not everyone has the advantages of education, family, and friends, or even the confidence instilled from positive role models. Some folks have a much harder battle. A little understanding of that can go a long way. 

And the truth is, that the houseless person you insulted might actually have a job. It’s just not a job that pays them enough to afford housing. If your answer to that is “get a better job,” you haven’t been paying attention.

3. “Don’t use this money to buy drugs or alcohol.” 

If you’re going to take the step to offer someone money, you can’t also dictate what they spend it on. You don’t know what that person is ready for at the moment. And kicking alcohol, or whatever bad habit, might not be possible for them just yet. Give without strings attached if you want to give. It is a kind and generous act and that alone can get someone through another day sometimes. Let the receiver make their own decision how to spend it. 

4. “Why don’t you get some help?” 

This is a boldly ignorant statement that makes the assumption that the person you’re talking to hasn’t already done whatever they can to get help. They may well know about the programs available but didn’t qualify or were turned away. A better response would be to actually offer the help that you suggest they get. Learn about local programs and requirements so you can offer educated advice and have a respectful conversation instead. 

5. “Why don’t you go to a shelter?”

Related to number 4, this is likely well-meaning, but it’s a question that would only be asked by someone who’s never been homeless. Shelters provide a necessary service, but they aren’t all the cozy escape from the streets you may think they are. In fact, some houseless prefer the streets for one reason or another. The shelter’s rules may be prohibitive, the curfew may not line up with their work schedule, or there may actually be too much drug use at the shelter. Many shelters even charge fees, and some take up to fifty percent of a resident’s SNAP benefits. Often they just don’t have enough beds for the people who request them. 

6. “You don’t look homeless.”

A good answer to this might be, “Oh? You don’t look clueless.” But, the fact is, it proves that you are. It shows that you aren’t really aware of the many levels of homelessness. Not everyone struggling on the streets pushes a shopping cart and holds up cardboard signs. Not all houseless are unwashed or addicts. Some are living out of their car or an abandoned building. Some may be living in a shelter, cheap motel, or even couch surfing. None of these people have permanent housing and are therefore houseless. All of them need some kind of assistance. A little reading up on what homelessness can look like will go a long way in understanding someone’s particular situation.

Want something better to say? 

Try simply saying, “hello.” That simple acknowledgment is something that the vast majority of people do not do. Most houseless are treated as if they are invisible. Making a point of recognizing the person standing there, making a connection, however mundane, reminds that person that they are important, that you see them. From there, asking if they want to talk, or just making small talk for a minute can be refreshing. You don’t have to feel pressure to give. Simply acknowledging them and treating them as a fellow human is a form of giving. If you want to help, but don't have cash or can't afford to, consider letting them know that and ask if you can help out some other way. There might be some small task that would be easy for you and would mean the world to them. 

And if you really care and want to help solve the homeless crisis, you can go well beyond these steps and take some real and meaningful action.